Responsibility and Realization

I found something interesting in my "Journal Collection". One of them is titled as Responsibility and I didn't even post it to my blog. (I think I did not). Anyhow, This is something to ponder.

"Would it be so wrong to admit that I am swimming in the sea filled with wonderful feelings, colourful emotions, the sea that promises no heartache, and even if I drowned in it, I will never regret ever living in it? I have never felt that way before. I am not sure whether this statement is correct but from my point of view, there is no such thing as a wonderful life. Even if there is, at some point everyone will at least face the steel bar, or the great wall of life and to get through it will require a great sacrifice. Right now, I am wandering about, not knowing where to go, still not satisfy with life and currently bound to admit to reality. Sitting here having a cup of hot coffee after a long shower, reminiscing. Sometimes I thought living this life could be as simple as reading a book (which reminds me that I need to go to Book Castle to get some paperback). Obviously, that thought is so wrong, but unfortunately, nobody tells us that as we walk this road, we crumble, we fall, we cry and we have to get up by ourselves. And nobody is there to help us.

Let’s talk about responsibilities. What is my responsibility as a human being? (aside from the responsibilities that I have towards God). Which reminds me of what my kawaii little foster brother, Addin had said to a man he saw loitering about after he did his Friday prayer.

Addin: Are you a Muslim?
The man: Yes.
Addin: What is your God’s name?
The man: Allah.
Addin: Isn’t it your responsibility to go for Friday prayer? Why didn’t you?
The man: (speechless)

(Note: Addin is only 7 years old and yes, he talks like an adult. Sometimes he does piss me off with his stories of ancient Romans and the ancestors including World War and Napoleon Bonaparte)
I would seriously kill myself after hearing that from a 7 years old kid (or on the other hand I would kill the kid instead for reminding what an ass I am). His dad (Addin’s dad that is) was speechless too and had to apologize to the man. Hahaha.. I thought that was a funny story after hearing it. But then again, it really hit me. And it made me realize that life is too short to be so careless and irresponsible. But it is still funny though, don’t you think… (really laughing my head off right now).

Actually, I miss my life as an undergraduate student. I want to go back. I realized that is the time I can really ‘lepak’, watch anime, download movies, sleep and the only responsibility I have is towards myself. Now that I’m done with school (gosh… this really reminds me that I’m OLD), I can’t have as much fun as I had in university. There are always rules to break and being carefree in university is the best feeling I have ever had (Warning: Do not be carefree while you’re schooling. It will only get you in trouble. Dame yo. Zettai Dame!).

I have another 7 years before I’m 30 (am I thinking too far?) and I possess and unusual fear of growing up and settling down (and of course I’m running away from this fucked up responsibilities that I happened to be involved with undesirably). Doesn’t it sound sick to know that others' mistake is your responsibilities? I’m not ready to have big responsibilities and it’s not what I want after having a long undesirable life (23 years is considered as long, you know)."

Okay... I just realized that was written over 3 years ago... LOL!!! But whatever...