Venting =_=

I'm not gonna deny how screwed up of a person I am. It's when I'm really in deep shit, only will I think of God. Not that I don't have Him in my mind and heart. Well, you know what I mean. For those who read this and think they are like me, well, we are human, as long as we realized it, we're ok. For those who read this and think they are not like me (which means, you think you're superior, awesome and pious) well, good for you, may you be like that for the rest of your life. Now, how many of you think life is unfair (ah... no need to throw popcorn)

They say, God gives you challenges and difficulties in life only when He knows that you can handle it. How and what you should do depends on you. Sometimes (most of the time, I mean) I can handle it well. But a triple combo buried me deep into the ground, I think it will take some time for me to get up and start walking again. Most of the time I feel used and abused. Sometimes, I feel blessed with people I have around me who supports me in everything I do and back me up when ever I'm in deep shit.

Sometimes, we can't stop people from labelling us or thinking we're some kind of an alien. It's what they call "Freedom of Speech". I was once called a "Venusian" by an unidentified microorganism (who isn't so human himself... jeez.. ). Sometimes I wonder, what I did wrong, so bad that it seems like the whole universe is going against me. (oh well =_= i think everybody feels the same. ) I've never felt so much hate and discrimination against me before. Who am I to complain when I have nothing at all and I'm just a mere human being who isn't as great as any other I know.

I'm not asking to be defended because I don't think I did anything wrong that I need someone to defend me. If God wanted me to be born this way, then does anyone has the right to question God's will?
If you question what is written in the book of fate, doesn't that make you go against God? I'm very disappointed, sad and depressed with the whole situation and I don't usually bother about it, but this time, it's a big thing for me.

Btw, on an unrelated matter, after 26 years, my mom still doesn't understand me. I'm disappointed. But well, by saying this, it must have sounded like I'm that kind of kid, you know. The Bad Kid Who Is Never Thankful For Everything She Got. blegh. See how people judge, from the outside. They never ask! They Assume. Now you wanna ask about the reason behind the rapid increase in statistics of educated individuals in mental institutions or suicidal cases in the world? You should know the answer already. Because no one listens.

Well I have to agree with the counter measure people take in avoiding these kind of cases like having those 1-800-call-me-if-u-feel-like-jumping-off-a-building care-line. But, what these people need is to talk and understood by people they love.

(Just to be clear,This is NOT a suicide note =_=) But I do feel like cutting it short is the simplest way to forget everything. More like, not living at all. Like Freddie said "Mama.... I don't wanna die, but sometimes wish I've never been born at all"

You've never heard of Green Day (LOL. Good Riddance is a song)

THIS POST IS LONG OVERDUE =_=

It kinda surprised me that some people think of themselves as God. Okay maybe the way I put it sounds wrong. Put it this way. It kinda surprised me that some people just can't forgive. Some people think the world revolves around them not the other way around. Some people can hate others like it's their job. Some people are so sexist that they didn't even realize they are born from a mother, which is a woman. Some people are... ( creatures unclassified).

This is not a rage post, it should be categorized under "Realization and Respect".

Lately, I've been busy living the best out of life and yes, I have found my source of happiness (omedetou soshite, omedetou to me). And God knows what I have to go through to achieve this. In the process, I've been heartbroken, crushed, re-lived, crushed again for many, many times and yet, it's the same person that I almost gave up upon that made me happy til today (thank you dear =)). Somehow, as we gain, we lost. I lost a friend along the way (well, if you put it in a way that won't sound mean, this person was a friend, at least, I thought he was).

I've always thought a person who talks shit about others by not confronting them are fuckers and has no balls (if he is a male, and not a she-male, that is). I also hate people who talk shit about other people in their blog and tell "unfortunate" tales about themselves by vomiting vulgar words and playing "victims" in the eyes of people who don't know them. But most of all, I hate people who are cowards and can only yap in the back but turn into dried plums when confronted. No. More like, running with their tail between their legs.

So this one person (non existence?) talked about "that certain someone" in his blog twice. TWICE. yeah, talk about being clingy and all (told u he still sayang you, dear. LOL. J/K) Was he that upset about "that certain someone"? if he is, then why not tell him in his face?! Coz blogging about it doesnt help, really. Talking shit about others behind their back only happens in high school, between 14 years old GIRLS. Also, if you don't like/ don't favour "that certain someone", you don't go deleting others that are associated with them, if you think the others are your friends. Wait, you don't have friends do you? Because you hate humans? Oh, and you also hate FEMALES because we're from VENUS, right, we're aliens. How can I forget that fact! D:

So this Non-Existence, thought of me as a friend, but not anymore. Because I'm in a relationship with "that certain someone" and he said, I showed him the side of me that he doesn't know. hahahahahaah!!!! Which side of me DO YOU KNOW? Did you even know me at all? This is so funny really, it all started that particular day. If I remember what happened that day....

1) Non-Existence called me the night before "that certain someone" asked me out and asked me why I agree to meeting with "that certain someone" when i hate "that certain someone" so much. Here's news for you Non-Existence, I FORGIVE PEOPLE ALTHOUGH THEY DID SHIT TO ME BECAUSE I'M NOT GOD AND I'M A MERE HUMAN BEING. I can't judge people and decide they are scums like you did.

2) I showed up at a certain cafe with "that certain someone" and didn't know Non-Existence was there. And according to some ppl who were there, he KNEW "that certain someone" was coming so he waited. Question: If you HATE "that certain someone", then why did you wait for his arrival? Because you loved him so much that you wanna create a shoujo manga scene and make me look like I'm the bitch who stole your boyfriend? Because u wanna play victim? Because U wanna be Ts-Tsu-Tsundere?! YOU FAIL! He stormed out of the cafe and he didn't even talk to me.

3) Non-Existence blocked me from Twitter and also others who are associated to me and "that certain someone" because he was heartbroken wait, wait he thinks he is Zeus and can erase ppl from the surface of the Earth. But of course, he can dream that doesn't sound right either. Because He IS AND EMOTARD. Come on, I'm not surprised anymore. This is not the first time he blocked me from Twitter. Friends don't do that. Scums and assholes do. If you think of me as a friend, you should talk to me instead of coming up with your bloody idea of "She's a bitch and she's in a relationship with the guy that I hate. So I hate her too". Don't pass judgement like you're a God.

By the way, you don't have to hide behind the Internet to talk shit about me or anyone. Just tell me to my face. You put the word "fuck" next to my name. You said you HATE me. Oh well. And Oh, why did u think I'm using this method as well, because I just wanna know how scums like you think. Now I realize, YOU DON'T THINK! Your mouth/hands move before your Brain does.

Last but not least,

Dear Non Existence, you just became a girl. Congratulations. Make a contract with Kyuubey (wait, wha-?)

!@#$%^&*

Do u know how it feels like being mindfucked everyday?

Try jumping off the nearest cliff.

Things people take to the furthest extend

I remember way back before we have all these social networking sites and Internet was not as amusing as now, the only way people bitch about others was to gossip privately among a group. Hahahaha! If they have guts, they would write them a letter (very high school-like * rolled eyes *) and bitch about them in there. And if they have bigger guts, they would definitely face them on and well.. catfight!

Since there are things like mySpace, Friendster and Facebook, we can see that many fights/quarrels/lawsuits break just because one can't stand the other just by reading status posted on each other's wall. A friend began to call it FaceBITCH instead, because that's where people bitch about each other PUBLICLY most of the time nowadays. So many virtual crimes happened from these social networking sites. People may intentionally or unintentionally posted things that could offend others in so many ways. Of course, nobody's pointing fingers at anyone, but since these social networking sites aren't controllable and the Internet are uncontrollable and humans are well.. never will be controllable, what can be done?

If you read the newspaper daily, you would at least come to at least one news about fraudulent especially the ones from the Internet. One which involve social networking site are mostly about Women and Men who seek for attention to fulfill desire (whatever desire it is, I'm not gonna go further explaining these stupid things). There was this one case I read (on the newspaper, of course) about this one lady who offer sex service for beasts men who are interested or more like desperate. (According to the report on the newspaper) On her profile, she posted sexy alluring photos of her i mean of "her" to attract customers. From the newspaper, a cover-baik-punya-pervert dude said, he was trying to trap the girl by asking her to meet him for service. He even bargain with her about the price and then banked-in some cash to her account. He then went to the place they were supposed to meet but she didn't show up. (Seriously, who would fall for that kind of trick? Maybe the cover-baik-punya-pervert dude who was trying to trap her was too ugly). Anyway, turned out that the "babe" that offered the service was well.. a big size attention seeker who really has nothing to do except trick perverted guys who also has nothing to do because both have nothing to do except abuse the good use of Internet. Why would anyone, do such a thing? For money? For attention? And then? Is it satisfying? Is it good to trick perverts, I mean people? We were given all these facilities not to do stupid things (yeah.. I like to use the word stupid because I'm trying not to swear too much) like these morons? Have your parents not teach you about manners?

That's one case. There are plenty more out there which are outrageously, beyond what you call, normal thinking. Another one which also caught my attention (because some people are born with their brain on their xxx) are the ones where two people met online, online dating, met each other (or not) and then the guy/girl has huge corporation and then he/she went traveling, then was mugged, then asked for money because he/she need to see clients and pay whatever shit. And because of foolishness love, they would do anything where they would bank in the large amount of money into the "significant other"'s account and then in the end, they never hear from them again. (OK. that was long) Again, what's wrong with these people? I mean, not everyone's like me. Ignorant, stoic, indifferent. Right. Let's not start. But still, how can so many, seriously THAT MANY women especially, get fooled by people you don't see physically? First of all, how can you be in a relationship with people you can't physically see, touch? * shook head *

Speaking of the things that can offend people intentionally/ unintentionally. Lately, they have been soooo many cases where people love to write offensive things on their profile. Things that emit racism for example. People would say this race is better than this. Or stuff like that. But think about it, when you say it like that, does that make YOU a better person? Why can't people see each other as human? We are mere creation of God. Why can't people stop labeling people?

There are just some random thoughts I have for today. =_=" But I'm just too sleepy to continue and I wanna watch my Anime. XD
Besides, I don't really like to talk shit about other people. I'm just making a general opinion.
Until then.

Follow The Arrow

I'm in the mood to write now. Eventhough I barely have anything in hand (or in my head) I just feel like writing. I felt a bit down though, I just came back from a few KM walk up the hills with my running partner, Ili. My Nike Trainees gave me a blister. Tch. And above all, I'm having a hard time coping up with my current financial crisis (not much of a crisis but to me it is) and I think I'm starting to hate my current state. (I know, both of those are not related with running. I just need to let it out)

I came home and sat in front of the laptop. I was glad I cleaned the bathroom this morning. (Quotes Gintama Episode 113: Washing the toilet is like cleansing the soul) I had a long aromatic shower. After the long aromatic shower, (yes, I have to emphasize on that) I put on some music. AND I opted for an English song. I saw Rosi Golan - Follow the Arrow in one of my song folders.

It finally cleared up the clouds in my head... a little

.... and do you know who is the last one standing?

Well, well. If it isn't the hot topic of the week. I'm not going to mention what it is because i'm too tired to spell each and every one out for you people again and again. If anyone is curious, please read the newspaper or watch the current news on your local network (yes, that's our local network, here in this distorted country).

Due to the unavoidable case (because some people are just too bored and it's like if they don't mess up the whole country their life will not be complete and they won't be able to die in peace ) , here is what i've got to say.

1) I'm not going to be on anyone's side. Everyone and everything (which includes all living creature that share and breathe the same air) has their own opinion on everything. Therefore, because I'm not one of those people who think they are smarter than everyone in this planet * points finger at someone's back *, I'm just gonna say it as simple as possible. All the sawagi are useless. Seriously, did it make anything better? Self-satisfaction, yes. But not for everyone's sake, moron.

2) It's just sad to see how some circle can actually act like barbarians. And, their brain lags among all the thins in their body system. Act before think? This doesn't work in the 21st century people.

3) While we suffer from heartache and hatred and pain and everything that doesn't spell good, all of us (regardless from what religion or race) were actually dancing right in the palm of you know who.

I BET THE DEVIL IS HAVING A BLAST AND LAUGHING HIS ASS OFF RIGHT THIS MOMENT. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HE ALWAYS WANTED ALL ETERNITY. THE FALLEN OF MANKIND. AND WE?

Human's heart is just an empty shell. We are the ones who filled it with evil.