2010: The Review

Let's have a good new year's wish.

Although it's a bit late, (I wished solemnly before =_= Truly sorry about that) Here, from the bottom of my heart, I wanna wish everyone who reads my blog A VERY WONDERFUL NEW YEAR and hopefully the year 2011 will be a prosperous and blessed year for all of us. Thank you for reading. =) If I ever hurt anyone from January to December of 2010, please forgive me. Hahahaha!!! Let's start a new book shall we?

2010 ended pretty bad for me. Hahaha!! It was worse than 2009 and I took it really hard for ONE whole day (yeah.. no need to dwell too much on it) and then I was back in shape, not trying to be happy but AM HAPPY. Everything that happened in 2010 stays there. I don't wish to take it with me. All the good memories, the one person that almost changed my stoic self into a 'fuwa fuwa' person, and that same person who ripped me apart must be sealed.

The first half of 2010 was rather fast moving for me. Although overall, 2010 marked the year of being 'stagnant', some things did change in my life. The Second half of 2010 was much more fun but it went down in the slump in the end. I met lots of new people, made new friends and was involve in new activities. Now, i even think of cosplaying. LOL. I know, I know. I'm not all moe and cute. I'll cosplay as a monster, maybe *coughyukionnacough* =)

Here are my review on 2010:

- When 2010 started, I sort of 'quit' being a hikikomori and was more outgoing.
- I learned who were friends and who were foes.
- Was the year of MEN = JERKS
- Was also the year of 'there is no such thing as bestfriends'
- In 2010, there's a new trend called "BLOCK AND DELETE FRIENDS FROM SOCIAL NETWORK" Gosh. HOW CHILDISH.
- I learned that being FRIENDS have TERMS AND CONDITIONS. For example: I cannot ask questions FTW. Wait, then how do we fucking communicate? WTF O_O
- PEOPLE DON'T MEAN WHAT THEY SAY. YES, THEY DON'T MEAN WHAT THEY SAY.
- Have you checked the dictionary lately? I think they removed the word "PROMISE" * shrugs *
- People change like the weather. At least weather stays constant for a couple of days.
- I made a lot of friends through twitter. Good friends =) My Nyanmarus! My Olympians! My Noa and Nano-nee friends =) Comrades. Anime/Manga lovers. I also made friends with cosplayers. I also have twitter family now hahaha.
- Most of the people I met online and then later in real life are nice people.
- I was saved by someone I met from twitter
- I was also broken by the same someone I met from twitter =(
- Madarao Hakuroku, my beloved Prince Meow died TT_____TT on Oct 4th
- New nephew - Ryuusuke =)
- I also learned there is no such thing as Honesty. People wear facade all the time. ALL THE TIME.
- Everyone is selfish. Something I learned from 2010. Not that I wasn't aware of it before. I just don't want to know and accept the fact that everyone is selfish
- I completed my Samurai Deeper Kyo Manga Series!!! This should be on top =_=
- I've become less stoic and less ignorant than before. Maybe 5% less. That' an improvement

Fidelity

The 4 days away from the world was a total failure. =_= My part that is, but it seems like the world has no problem turning its back on me. * shrugs * So I consider myself on an "Under Construction" situation. I'm still seeking the right answer to all the questions that are in my head right now. Some I do know the answers, but I'm a weak little bastard (ain't never calling myself a bitch and I'm not a bastard so that doesn't count either) who is always in denial (see, not calling myself a bitch and stating 'bastard' makes the fact of being in denial clearer) O_O

So my mind has been in a mess lately. Ever since I'm sorta 'involving' myself with the thing called 'feelings' * barf * which I NEVER had. I repeat that;"NEVER". Well, if that is what they call 'feelings' well so be it. Come on, everyone knows Aki IS Stoic. I live accordingly to the thing called logic. And that's a fact. So I found out that I kinda... er ... am sorta (ok, I'm also thinking of how to actually 'express' or 'explain' this) got 'attached'(?) with some sort of a 'fiber-optic involvement'(?) no. Involvement is not the word. (still in denial eh?) Ok so I like somebody. There! I said it (with a strike-through). LIKE here refers to the type that makes u go gaga over everything. LOL!!!

I'm not sure if this thing is allowed. I'm not if I'm allowed to 'feel'. I mean. God gives us options. It really depends on us human. If i take it as positive as possible, will this be the right thing to do? Should I continue with having the thing they call 'feelings' which is currently intangible due to the fact that it's not physically possible and clearly not in front of my eyes? And the fact that I'm not sure what the other party is thinking because well, some people can change like the weather. Will I be able to live like this, when I keep hurting myself everyday and the fact that I actually am too close to this person would probably make this person feels like I'm invading their life? What am I to do then when I already know that somehow, this could be impossible?

I never liked anyone fully. I always do it halfheartedly because my 'logic' says "Hurt than be hurt". It seems like now, I'm having the reverse effect of my own logic. And fuck, it hurts like hell. I'm definitely contemplating this. I've been thinking about it. I either should stop the whole stabbing-the-heart-parade. OR. I could wait. If I wait, how much time can I give myself? Please God. I need an answer. T____T Well, truth be told. HE already did show me signs. I just need to be patient, that's all.