Venting =_=

I'm not gonna deny how screwed up of a person I am. It's when I'm really in deep shit, only will I think of God. Not that I don't have Him in my mind and heart. Well, you know what I mean. For those who read this and think they are like me, well, we are human, as long as we realized it, we're ok. For those who read this and think they are not like me (which means, you think you're superior, awesome and pious) well, good for you, may you be like that for the rest of your life. Now, how many of you think life is unfair (ah... no need to throw popcorn)

They say, God gives you challenges and difficulties in life only when He knows that you can handle it. How and what you should do depends on you. Sometimes (most of the time, I mean) I can handle it well. But a triple combo buried me deep into the ground, I think it will take some time for me to get up and start walking again. Most of the time I feel used and abused. Sometimes, I feel blessed with people I have around me who supports me in everything I do and back me up when ever I'm in deep shit.

Sometimes, we can't stop people from labelling us or thinking we're some kind of an alien. It's what they call "Freedom of Speech". I was once called a "Venusian" by an unidentified microorganism (who isn't so human himself... jeez.. ). Sometimes I wonder, what I did wrong, so bad that it seems like the whole universe is going against me. (oh well =_= i think everybody feels the same. ) I've never felt so much hate and discrimination against me before. Who am I to complain when I have nothing at all and I'm just a mere human being who isn't as great as any other I know.

I'm not asking to be defended because I don't think I did anything wrong that I need someone to defend me. If God wanted me to be born this way, then does anyone has the right to question God's will?
If you question what is written in the book of fate, doesn't that make you go against God? I'm very disappointed, sad and depressed with the whole situation and I don't usually bother about it, but this time, it's a big thing for me.

Btw, on an unrelated matter, after 26 years, my mom still doesn't understand me. I'm disappointed. But well, by saying this, it must have sounded like I'm that kind of kid, you know. The Bad Kid Who Is Never Thankful For Everything She Got. blegh. See how people judge, from the outside. They never ask! They Assume. Now you wanna ask about the reason behind the rapid increase in statistics of educated individuals in mental institutions or suicidal cases in the world? You should know the answer already. Because no one listens.

Well I have to agree with the counter measure people take in avoiding these kind of cases like having those 1-800-call-me-if-u-feel-like-jumping-off-a-building care-line. But, what these people need is to talk and understood by people they love.

(Just to be clear,This is NOT a suicide note =_=) But I do feel like cutting it short is the simplest way to forget everything. More like, not living at all. Like Freddie said "Mama.... I don't wanna die, but sometimes wish I've never been born at all"

x(restrictionsucks)+ y(a gazillion of unhappy things) / 0(1 happy thing)

Kids: Learn the formula in life

ASDFIED = x(restrictionsucks)+ y(a gazillion of unhappy things) / 0(1 happy thing)

Hello World?!: Restrictions? This is the gdamn 21st Century!

It's almost a week since kuso kaisha banned a lot of sites including * clearsthroat * echofon-ing. I mean, I do have another option, which is my phone, demo... chotto mendokusai na.. It's troublesome to switch from doing work on the laptop and then using the phone to reply all the mentions (or to vent anger/emo-ness) I feel dead. ( oh you must be wondering why i like to use the word "Dies" "Dead" lately. Hmm... no particular reason, except, try listening to Dream Theater's "The Spirit Carries On". You'll understand.)

I used to be frightened of dying. I used to think death was the end. But that was before, I'm not scared anymore. I know that my soul will transcend.

If I die tomorrow, I'll be alright because I believe that after we're gone, the spirit carries on.

Pfft. Ok. sounds so cult-y. But anyway, I wonder why they have to do these kind of things. We're not fucking kids! Let me tell you what I think, I think it made me less productive, more stressed and freaking feel like smashing my laptop! (PFT! It's just FUCKED UP you know. I just saw Hades checking out Channel V Asia for celebs news. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?!) These unfairness has gone too far. RESTRICTION in 'Hell' is not all about SITES. It's about fucking everything. Even day offs!

ASDF Level: 10/10


Hello Doomsday: Part I: In Deep Shit

Earth Hour Gig. Yes. Awesomeness. Just so happen that I'll be in Kuching that weekend. Dented is going to perform for that gig! YEAH! It's been years since my last gig. Yon, Go nen gurai? The songs that we're gonna perform are these 4:

1. D City Rock - PSG OST
2. I Just Threw Out The Love Of My Dreams - Weezer
3. (have yet to decide on this ) maybe lostphropets - last summer
4. Somewhere Over The Rainbow (Dented Version - One of them has to be Environment related song)

I'll be playing guitar for this Dented: Formation B gig. THE THING IS, I don't have a guitar to practice with and I barely have the time to. So I've been practicing on my HD Desire. Yeah, it is stupid. Don't ask. Don't even wonder. Which reminds me, I need to get a new bass. Oh, btw, the gig will be next week. Welcome To Hell.

ASDF Level: 5/10

Hello Doomsday: Part II: Tha....na....thos.....

Do you know what this character stands for: 冥王? It means: Hades. LOL.
So many work lately. So little pay (I seriously think I'm underpaid). So little time.
Maa, work isn't really that bad. It's just, it's related to (refer first part of the post)

ASDF Level: 10/10

Hello Doomsday: Part III: Naze..? Naze na no??? NAZE NA NO YOOOOOOOOOO????!!!

My Demon Pet Hates Me. I don't know what i did though. OTZ...

ASDF Level: 8/10


Hello Rakuen: After we're gone, the spirit carries on

He said something that made me happy. although it's just a simple sentence and the thought of him having thoughts about me is just HNGGGGGGGGHHHHHGHGHGHGHGHGH! (FINE. I'LL GET OVER IT) but let me stay happy for a bit, coz i know he didn't forget about me at least. The things I never thought he would do. =)))

ASDF Level: 1/10

Note: on a non-related subject, I've learned how to curse in Portuguese, thanks to my twin brother.

Selfish brats should go home and cry to their mamas

I totally hate it! You know, when you treat people nicely, yet they still talk shit about you. Like complain about you to every single person they know (and you know) . It's just crap. How can such human being exist? After all you did (without asking for anything in return) they still talk like f*ck about you to others. Seriously, this type of people should go jump off a cliff or something.

This one person, I know all my life, likes.. no.. love to do these kind of things to me. So, I decided to never be nice to this person anymore. I don't care anymore that this person complain, talk shit, made me sounded like an evil witch to everyone in this world. I totally don't care anymore. I hope this person will leave me alone soon. (I know, soon is very soon) And I can't wait.

Blardy Hawt. Fark.

I created another commotion in my life last few weeks and I realized the big little idiot inside of me was the one who had orchestrated the dramatic performance that day. The little piece was generously performed by my little fingers which danced gracefully pathetically but hard on the keyboard, typing the words from hell one by one as my eyes intensely stared on the screen of my dusty laptop reading those words fluently from my brain and was oblivion to the current state I was in. Was I being furious? Was I expecting something? I never knew. It was too ugly beautiful to be seen by laymen's eyes.

Still wondering now, what might be the driver to have gotten my legs into this sticky mud. I don't think I am desperately in need of contemplating my life, because as far as I am concerned, it hasn't gone anywhere far. I'm still standing in the same spot, each and everyday doing the same thing, seeing the same thing expecting the same thing. It bores me. Everyday in the middle of nowhere, the wind whispers. I keep standing still. Wondering whether I should listen to them. In the morning, I will be standing up straight, power up to start a new day. I would probably be half asleep, yet every morning I'd be ready to face the sun. But I can't move. I'd be there standing until the sun goes back to sleep.

I had a stupid an interesting conversation with someone who shall not be named. We were talking about the past. Something normal people would do. Talk and laugh about it. Somehow, it went overboard and the conversation became a little more serious. I was hoping that my laptop would ran out of battery, but it was on plug. I desperately want to run away from the conversation, because I can no longer say anything. I uttered a curse under my breath. Though the other person can't hear me, I settled it with a whisper. Why oh why did I ever mention it?

In another unrelated matter, I've just lost it to myself. My stoic shell cracked today and it's just ugly. I've been trying so hard to suppress it. I mean, it did crack before but today it almost breaks. There are a few things which i consider as nuisance in life.

1) when people u trust turn their back on u
2) when things that you thrown away are recollected
3) when things that you like are taken away from you

Things say like, my favourite hang out place, my favourite things to do, my favourite pose and my favourite people. Yes. I've finally took the left turn today and when things are already ugly, i tend to make it worse in this situation. *sigh*

Save me oh saints of stoicness before it's too late