2016 - Self Reflection

                I’m sitting here at my cubicle, looking outside my office, staring at the glistening droplets of rain on the window. It’s bright outside, yes, at the same time, it’s very gloomy. I’m also currently listening to a loop of piano playlist on my Spotify, in exchange for some peace of mind. Today, as usual, just like every other year, I feel like it’s a great time for me to do some self-reflection. It is the end of 2016 and we will be welcoming a new year very soon (in another 12 days).

                I will be honest, my 2016 hasn’t been that good and hasn’t been that bad either, in personal life, in work life, in social life. I would have to say, it’s balance. Not sure if this is because of my age, that I’m getting old and that I think I can handle life better (what the f is this bullshit?), but I think it’s more of the experience that we’ve all gone through in life that taught us so many things and that contributes to the patience and the perseverance, and that of what we are built today. Anyway, this will be a very long entry (worth the 6 months since I neglected this blog ahahaha!)

1)      Personal life

Life has been great. Ups and downs, what’s new? Nothing much achieved in terms of goal, but we have moved to a new place and we bought a new car, monster truck and named it Black Hayate Go (as in 5).

This year, I have lost my Grandmother. She passed away in July. I managed to see her and spent some time before her in May. I still can’t get over the lost. However, life goes on. My best friend lost her father, my mom’s best friend lost her husband. Friends and family mourning over losses. Let’s be thankful we are all still alive. Value and treasure every single day and every single person we love.

I have to be honest, my husband and I have been married for 2 years plus now and of course, we would love to have kids. We have thought about it however, realistically, we have not really put MUCH thought into it. We are more of those people who, if God grants us, we will accept it with open arms and heart. I’m glad my husband, as well as my family and in laws are understanding of this and let our decisions be ours and not determined by what other people want. Sometimes, you can’t stop people from talking about it, showing how “concern” they are that you are not carrying around an extra bag full of milk and diapers, but hey, you keep your hands off my business and we will still be friends okay?

Health wise, not really looking so bright. I know it, I’m trying to be healthy, at the same time, my determination is like those French butter in the sun. It melts quickly you don’t even know it was there in solid form. We are now staying at a place with gym and a 50m pool. But, still, I have no time for this. (You see why now?) Will definitely make do all my wasted days fat-ting myself. (yes, fat-ting is now a word) I keep saying I want to have a Journal on weight loss etc. But Bullshit. Let’s not make any promises and see what’s going to happen. This will also determine

2)      Work life

Work sucks beginning of the year. I did a lot of work for people and not being rewarded as promised, this made me think people suck. I almost gave up on this place, until I had the opportunity to move to a new team, new work and a more challenging setting. I’ve given opportunity to do things that I’ve never done before. Spread my knowledge and horizon to a new level. Learn so many things I’ve never thought I would be able to do. Things are going great so far, and hopefully, I will get better opportunity next year.

3)      Social life

I went to watch WEEZER! My childhood dream. One of my favourite band that I grew up listening to (and what makes me, ME). Rivers Cuomo was 10m away from me and I’m satisfied. Come on, be thankful for what you get. Don’t be a bitch about it :D

Most importantly, I get to see Weezer performed Buddy Holly, El Scorcho and Only In Dreams, with my best friend, Momo. Life’s good.

I see friends (outside of work) more often. People I know that I rarely see, I get to see them more now. At least, I try to live outside of my normal life. I just hate to social with people who talk about milk bottles, diapers and poop ALL THE TIME. Come on, you know I don’t have kids and I don’t know shit about things you talk about. I wish these people would be more respectful and sensitive of other people. Look, I like you and your kid, but if you keep on yapping about them on Whatsapp or everytime I see you, that’s it man. Forget we ever met.

Though so, I accept ideas, suggestions (not judgements. Suggestions) and also appreciate friends who lend their ears to listen to what I have to say about all this. LOLs. To those friends that come over to hang out at our place, and stayed til dawn to play games, gossip and have intellectual talks, thanks guys! I love you guys!

Wow. So much of self-reflection. As always, I thought it’s useless to do more resolutions if the last ones were never fulfilled.

The Truth Behind a Façade

Ramadhan is a holy month for us Muslims and this is the time, most of us (if not all) will be doing our very best to surrender ourselves to kindness, humbleness, patience and endurance and most of all to God. Some, will practice all good deeds religiously, which is, of course, a good thing. However, come end of Ramadhan, this will end too. Does this only apply to Ramadhan and if so, what happens to the normal days of our life? Is this all an act? Are we acting all holier-than-thou just because it’s the holy month?

I’m not the most pious person out there, heck, I’m just a humble servant of God who is not whole and is still searching for guidance to lead this life to the right path. And I, a puny human being have no rights to say my thoughts out loud on this matter. However, the existence of social media has made us all the victim of being judgmental.

Even severe injury from a blade cannot compare to the pain produce by the sharpness of these 10 fingers of ours and the verbal torture from these lips. Other parts of the body move faster than the brain and the desire to be known and to show-off the high level of idiocy intelligence is beyond how much most of us can comprehend. Let’s walk through some scenarios that we sometimes encounter during this month.

Let’s go back to the first day of this year’s fasting month, where Pumpkin was involved in a self-accident while on the way back to our home from work. He fell off his bike because the car in front of him stopped abruptly. He didn’t hit the car but he fell on his own (yes, due to inertia). The driver got out of the car, walked towards him and started spouting rude words, telling him if he was stupid or if he was blind. What? Not even helping him up from his falling position, words spilling out of his mouth was nonsense.  And this guy, ladies and gentlemen, was wearing a kopiah, on the first day of Ramadhan. Probably on his way to break-fast and tarawih. What happened to compassion?

Next, the things people write on the Internet/Facebook/Twitter during fasting month when it is a bothering factor to them, are mostly mean stuff, but on a more subtle wave. (Myself included). What is this patience and endurance we are talking about? Did we really “try” to practice it just because it’s fasting month? Does that mean, we can revert back to being mean AFTER Ramadhan?

The face you carry during this month is all glowing and full of light. Once you see a spot of bother (e.g. a girl with short skirt who walks in a Surau to pray), your mind automatically produce mean thoughts and you start gossiping with your friends. “OMG, wearing that kind of outfit and then praying? What was she thinking, not respecting the religion blablabla…” So, who is standing at the wrong side now?

Again, I’m not the one to talk as I’m not perfect and in the state of  “under-construction”. But people, really? What is Ramadhan to you?

I’ll observe myself after this and monitor all the violations I have done to myself in Ramadhan.

Happy fasting people.

It's been a while yaawwwww~

Hello everyone. It's been a while since I posted anything in here. I'm so sorry for being away for toooooo long :D I've been busy adapting with new working life (working hour and environment) and also in the process of adapting to sort of... new life :D

I'm posting an entry today because I just got a new lappy!!! Thank you so much to my favourite individual in this world. It's a purple lappy (although initially I want a pink one) but purple is fine too! And don't get me wrong. There is a big purpose of why I have this new lappy. One is because of the new project that we're planning (more like, in the midst of initializing the project) and also, to start up a new blog project. See, I told you, there's a bigger picture behind all these :D

So, I'll update some more when I'm free and really have nothing to do. More like, when I REALLY have time for myself. I've been busy with work (the usual bullshit, I know. I'll come up with a better one next time)

P/S: we have a new cat. I don't have his pics here because, well.. it's a new lappy :D we named him Kuzco (yeah, as in the Llama Kuzco) :D Now I understand why his head is a bit tilted on the right!

News: Holiday Yeay.

Something good is flowing out of me. Not saying it's bad. It's overflowing with happiness and it's the same feeling as getting something after wishing for it for a long, long time. Well basically, it is like that. After getting a new job and leaving the company, I feel happier. While waiting for the transition to end, I'm lucky to have public holidays filling most of the days before I start the new job. This weekend we're leaving for a short holiday to meet a friend of mine that is from Brazil, Tang. I knew Tang from twitter and we've been friends for almost a year now. Next week we'll be leaving for another short holiday to a different place. But that's a secret. Hahahaha. Will update the info after the holiday.

Today is such a boring day. I'm at work with one colleague and everyone else is still having holidays. I should have taken unpaid leave. I really have nothing much to do at work and I'm not really into the creative writing mode either. I can't play castleville because the network blocks FB. le sigh. Ah well. I'm just gonna spend my afternoon napping I guess. Huhuhu. Kidding.

A Game We Play

Pumpkin and I talk about almost everything almost anywhere, anytime. We usually have random talk about smallest things to serious things. Recently, I was reading Chrys' Blog and caught her doing some "interrogation" towards her boyfriend on their 3rd Year Anniversary (Congrates Chrys darling!!) So, I told Pumpkin about it and asked him to answer them too. HUHUHU~~
So these are his answers:

Q: Where was our first date?

H: Aquaria KLCC
FACT: Yes, It's true. It's at Aquaria, KLCC.

Q:What was your first impression of me?

H: Intellectual, mature and social type
FACT: hahaha!!! I don't know about being intelligent, but mature? hahaha :D

Q: When did you meet the family?

H: Secret Recipe at Curve
FACT: That's where he met them, but it was before going for our first trip to Singapore.

Q: Who said I love you first and where?

H: Of course it is you <3
FACT: I don't remember really. :P

Q: Do I have any weird obsessions, if so - what?

H: Hydos Naruto-kun
FACT: hahahahaha!!!!! Hydos Naruto-kun is a fictional character my brother created based on Pumpkin. LOL.

Q: How long have we been together?

H: 7 months, 16 days, 20 hours, 8 minutes, 6 seconds (Thursday, 19 January 2012, 23:15:06)
FACT: As of the above date and time, it's true

Q: Do you have a tradition with your gf/bf?

H: Movie every Wednesday, celebrate anniversary every month
FACT: yeah, these are some of the many :)

Q: What was our first road trip?

H: Singapore, by train
FACT: I think it was Ipoh to KL trip

Q: What was the first thing you noticed about me?

H: tepuk dada tanya selera (saya jujur)
FACT: Ecchi.

Q: What is my favorite restaurant?

H: Obviously Tony Romas, anywhere else?
FACT: True. XD

Q: What do we argue about the most?

H: about who is right and who is wrong (masing2 xmo mengalah)
FACT: True, he's really good :D

Q: Who wears the pants in the relationship?

H: It would be you if I wear skirt 24/7
FACT: this is lol.

Q: If I am watching tv what am I watching?

H: Cooking Channel (AFC), you're watching this channel atm
FACT: True. I love watching this channel because I love cooking

Q: What is one food I do not like?

H: Strawberry
FACT: True. and Beansprouts

Q: What drink do I order when we go out to eat?

H: Teh o ais
FACT: hahaha!!! Right again :D

Q: What size shoe do I wear?

H: Kids size (2-3)
FACT: I hate to admit it, but it's TRUE.

Q: What is my favorite kind of sandwich?

H: Subway sandwich, honey oat bread
FACT: Right again. Honey Oat bread + any subway menu.

Q: What is one talent I have?

H: Playing violin
FACT: Correct! I also play guitar and bass

Q: What would I eat everyday if I could?

H: Cupcake (Red Velvet)
FACT: Hahahahaha!!!! ok. true. In general, desserts :D

Q: What is my favorite cereal?

H: I forgot the name, but I ate the whole box
FACT: It's POST cereal. And he did eat the whole box.

Q: What is my favorite music?

H: Kono yubi tomare (Metropolis), one thing to say three words for you
FACT: =( It's classical. But not entirely wrong

Q: What is my favorite sports team?

H: Got one?
FACT: I got none.

Q: What is my eye color?

H: Brown
FACT: Right

Q: Who is my best friend?

H: Ili Aimie
FACT: And HIM. :)

Q: What is something you do that I wish you didn't?

H: Asking same question or talking about same thing over and over and over again
FACT: Correct again.

Q: Where am I from?

H: Kuching, Sarawak (going to visit there next next next week :3)
FACT: Right!

Q: What kind of cake would you bake me on my birthday?

H: Something that is full of love
FACT: Awhhh~~~ True, I would.

Q: Do I play any sports?

H: I wish you can go jogging with me everyday, then I will consider it as sport.
FACT: hahahaha!!!!

Q: What can I spend hours doing?

H: Read/write novel
FACT: Yeah, this is so me.

Q: If I could live anywhere, where would it be?

H: anywhere as long as with me
TRUE: Vain, but True

So those were his answers. I'm happy with all the answers. He knows me well :D