2016 - Self Reflection

                I’m sitting here at my cubicle, looking outside my office, staring at the glistening droplets of rain on the window. It’s bright outside, yes, at the same time, it’s very gloomy. I’m also currently listening to a loop of piano playlist on my Spotify, in exchange for some peace of mind. Today, as usual, just like every other year, I feel like it’s a great time for me to do some self-reflection. It is the end of 2016 and we will be welcoming a new year very soon (in another 12 days).

                I will be honest, my 2016 hasn’t been that good and hasn’t been that bad either, in personal life, in work life, in social life. I would have to say, it’s balance. Not sure if this is because of my age, that I’m getting old and that I think I can handle life better (what the f is this bullshit?), but I think it’s more of the experience that we’ve all gone through in life that taught us so many things and that contributes to the patience and the perseverance, and that of what we are built today. Anyway, this will be a very long entry (worth the 6 months since I neglected this blog ahahaha!)

1)      Personal life

Life has been great. Ups and downs, what’s new? Nothing much achieved in terms of goal, but we have moved to a new place and we bought a new car, monster truck and named it Black Hayate Go (as in 5).

This year, I have lost my Grandmother. She passed away in July. I managed to see her and spent some time before her in May. I still can’t get over the lost. However, life goes on. My best friend lost her father, my mom’s best friend lost her husband. Friends and family mourning over losses. Let’s be thankful we are all still alive. Value and treasure every single day and every single person we love.

I have to be honest, my husband and I have been married for 2 years plus now and of course, we would love to have kids. We have thought about it however, realistically, we have not really put MUCH thought into it. We are more of those people who, if God grants us, we will accept it with open arms and heart. I’m glad my husband, as well as my family and in laws are understanding of this and let our decisions be ours and not determined by what other people want. Sometimes, you can’t stop people from talking about it, showing how “concern” they are that you are not carrying around an extra bag full of milk and diapers, but hey, you keep your hands off my business and we will still be friends okay?

Health wise, not really looking so bright. I know it, I’m trying to be healthy, at the same time, my determination is like those French butter in the sun. It melts quickly you don’t even know it was there in solid form. We are now staying at a place with gym and a 50m pool. But, still, I have no time for this. (You see why now?) Will definitely make do all my wasted days fat-ting myself. (yes, fat-ting is now a word) I keep saying I want to have a Journal on weight loss etc. But Bullshit. Let’s not make any promises and see what’s going to happen. This will also determine

2)      Work life

Work sucks beginning of the year. I did a lot of work for people and not being rewarded as promised, this made me think people suck. I almost gave up on this place, until I had the opportunity to move to a new team, new work and a more challenging setting. I’ve given opportunity to do things that I’ve never done before. Spread my knowledge and horizon to a new level. Learn so many things I’ve never thought I would be able to do. Things are going great so far, and hopefully, I will get better opportunity next year.

3)      Social life

I went to watch WEEZER! My childhood dream. One of my favourite band that I grew up listening to (and what makes me, ME). Rivers Cuomo was 10m away from me and I’m satisfied. Come on, be thankful for what you get. Don’t be a bitch about it :D

Most importantly, I get to see Weezer performed Buddy Holly, El Scorcho and Only In Dreams, with my best friend, Momo. Life’s good.

I see friends (outside of work) more often. People I know that I rarely see, I get to see them more now. At least, I try to live outside of my normal life. I just hate to social with people who talk about milk bottles, diapers and poop ALL THE TIME. Come on, you know I don’t have kids and I don’t know shit about things you talk about. I wish these people would be more respectful and sensitive of other people. Look, I like you and your kid, but if you keep on yapping about them on Whatsapp or everytime I see you, that’s it man. Forget we ever met.

Though so, I accept ideas, suggestions (not judgements. Suggestions) and also appreciate friends who lend their ears to listen to what I have to say about all this. LOLs. To those friends that come over to hang out at our place, and stayed til dawn to play games, gossip and have intellectual talks, thanks guys! I love you guys!

Wow. So much of self-reflection. As always, I thought it’s useless to do more resolutions if the last ones were never fulfilled.

The Truth Behind a Façade

Ramadhan is a holy month for us Muslims and this is the time, most of us (if not all) will be doing our very best to surrender ourselves to kindness, humbleness, patience and endurance and most of all to God. Some, will practice all good deeds religiously, which is, of course, a good thing. However, come end of Ramadhan, this will end too. Does this only apply to Ramadhan and if so, what happens to the normal days of our life? Is this all an act? Are we acting all holier-than-thou just because it’s the holy month?

I’m not the most pious person out there, heck, I’m just a humble servant of God who is not whole and is still searching for guidance to lead this life to the right path. And I, a puny human being have no rights to say my thoughts out loud on this matter. However, the existence of social media has made us all the victim of being judgmental.

Even severe injury from a blade cannot compare to the pain produce by the sharpness of these 10 fingers of ours and the verbal torture from these lips. Other parts of the body move faster than the brain and the desire to be known and to show-off the high level of idiocy intelligence is beyond how much most of us can comprehend. Let’s walk through some scenarios that we sometimes encounter during this month.

Let’s go back to the first day of this year’s fasting month, where Pumpkin was involved in a self-accident while on the way back to our home from work. He fell off his bike because the car in front of him stopped abruptly. He didn’t hit the car but he fell on his own (yes, due to inertia). The driver got out of the car, walked towards him and started spouting rude words, telling him if he was stupid or if he was blind. What? Not even helping him up from his falling position, words spilling out of his mouth was nonsense.  And this guy, ladies and gentlemen, was wearing a kopiah, on the first day of Ramadhan. Probably on his way to break-fast and tarawih. What happened to compassion?

Next, the things people write on the Internet/Facebook/Twitter during fasting month when it is a bothering factor to them, are mostly mean stuff, but on a more subtle wave. (Myself included). What is this patience and endurance we are talking about? Did we really “try” to practice it just because it’s fasting month? Does that mean, we can revert back to being mean AFTER Ramadhan?

The face you carry during this month is all glowing and full of light. Once you see a spot of bother (e.g. a girl with short skirt who walks in a Surau to pray), your mind automatically produce mean thoughts and you start gossiping with your friends. “OMG, wearing that kind of outfit and then praying? What was she thinking, not respecting the religion blablabla…” So, who is standing at the wrong side now?

Again, I’m not the one to talk as I’m not perfect and in the state of  “under-construction”. But people, really? What is Ramadhan to you?

I’ll observe myself after this and monitor all the violations I have done to myself in Ramadhan.

Happy fasting people.

2012, I Welcome You With Open Heart!

Hey hey hey!!! look who's coming baby?! it's 2011 in the house!!! and our guest 2012 who will be "hosting" our life for the whole year of next year. I have to say it's kinda idd for me today, blogging from my phone coz i kinda forgot that it was like a ritual for me to do an entry every last morning of the year.

So, forgive all the misspelling and the odd looking spacing coz im not use to this. Anyway, New Year's Resolution. Hmm, let's review what I've achieved for the whole year of 2011. I believe, 2011 has been a wonderful year for me. Although I faced little hiccups along the way, all has been good. I've been given opportunities to strive, to change a stagnant position and to choose a path of a better life.

As I stride along the early quarter, I faced the most challenging part of living. A task to choose between a full gain or a complete loss. A risk to be taken and to be responsible for the outcome. And once again, God has given me the best gift I've ever had. I know I deserve this because I worked hard for it.

I'm not gonna dwell much on whatever you know. So, like I always say "Look Forward". I'm sure 2012 will be a better one. If I'm lucky and if you're lucky and if God wills it, i just might say hello to marriage! Hahaha!!! So let's pray for best! Strive for the best! And do our best for next year.

2012 I welcome you with open heart!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY AND GOD BLEAA!!

sincerely,

Eru.