Soul full of hope is soul full of shit

"Soul full of hope is soul full of shit". Which is true. Hoping Sucks. When you stopped hoping, reality hits you in the head and says "Where have you been all these while punk!" Is it wrong to be hoping for something? Hope will mislead you. I think. It's not logic. But I guess it depends rite? Sometimes, hope will make someone wants to live more than dying.

Have you ever encounter people who talks funny? I mean, sometimes, no, most of the time, you can't catch up with what they say or mean. For example, one time, they tell you they don't like this gang because they like to bully and talk shit about them. The next thing, they're eating ice-cream at McDonald's together. You know, it's really weird. People say things they don't mean all the time. But this one is seriously funny (as in bizarre). If you don't like that person/group of people, why would you wannna hang out with them? Don't give excuses like "I don't have a choice" because it's serious bullshit. After a session of story-telling with you, they HOPE you'll give full attention to them... ONLY. (hope to them = want and a must) You know, like, suddenly when you flip your books their names are written in there as well. Something like this "XXXX " It's annoying really!

When you forget about them for a while they'll say "How could you forget about me?" or when you hang out with people they have problems with they'll think you hate them. For goodness' sake... Some people are so weird. The best solution is to ignore them. But since it's kinda weird, I guess I should just say what's on my mind.

The title was inspired by an old number from Marilyn Manson - Rock Is Dead.

"1,000 mothers are praying for it
We're so full of hope And so full of shit"
-Rock Is Dead by Marilyn Manson

Anyway,
I'm so bored today. (Tell me something I don't know...) It's the first week of the year 2009. I just got off the phone with the Perodua guy and the Insurance company. And they told me Midou can be release this Saturday (if there's no other problem) !!!! (I hope...) No. No. I can't use that word anymore. Nothing much to do at work and I'm beginning to re-arrange my schedule. (Not like I'm ever organized before.) I've dozens of organizers and there is one that I like the most. It was a present from Fuyuko's mother. Every year I will buy new refills for it (because the paper gets yellow not because it's full). I've never really utilized the thing they call 'Organizer' and this year, I'm trying to use it as much as possible. I also got myself a 'Journal'. I use it to keep up on the events and ... (wait.. wait... why am I explaining all these here?) I can't wait for Midou's return. I'm counting the days.

Ignoring the dislikes

Sometimes there are things you really don't want to be bothered about. And most of the time (for me) there are a number of people that I don't want to be associated with. And for all I care I'm not obliged to answer questions from these morons. Especially the things which are not related to me (directly). One other thing is, when I'm not close with the likes of you, stop pretending that we are and stop talking to me as if we share the same bed. Okay? Got it??

Seriously, this kinda prick should really stay away from the world. They like to bother about you and make you scratch each other's faces. They like to act all superior. Dude, what the f*ck is wrong with you? If you really want attention go hog someone else's life. Seriously, this little prick really loves attention.

Whatever.


How can i be writing crap like that when deep inside of me all tingly and happy with the fact that it's... erm... coming to New Year? (trying soooo hard to surpress the happiness) That's not it. There is something else there in between. But I can't say it. Maybe because of this that I get walked on by. I keep on telling myself, it's best not to think about the past. IT's Just Wrong! But I can't help it. It keeps on chasing me. Hahaha!! I should forget about it.

The New Year is coming and along the way, i've been receiving blessings from people I love. Thank you everyone. I really needed that. Let's all pray that everyone will have a wonderful year ahead. (Did i just say that?)

Something really funny happened yesterday. As usual, I took the Free Shuttle from Kelana Jaya to IKANO. My parents were waiting for me at The Curve with my brother and his family. On the bus, I was sitting at the first row and there was this girl who sat next to me after i settled down. When the bus started moving she suddenly talked to me:

The girl: Adik. Adik. Adik mau pegi IKANO?
Me: Yeah. This bus ONLY stops at IKANO and Kelana Jaya
The girl: Ini first time naik bas ni ke? Is it usually this late, 30 mins late?
Me: No. Usually it'll be on time. Maybe because of the accident
The girl: My name is *****. How about you?
Me: Oh. I'm (me).
The girl: Adik umur brapa?
Me: 24.
The girl: 24??????
Me: Yeah.. Why aa?
The girl: I'm 19.

It's Fucking hilarious. She gave me that disbelief look. I have to stop myself from laughing. I would really go nuts laughing like an idiot on the bus. But then, she started to tell me story of her life...Seriously.... she did.

At first, it was just the cab incident. She told me she took a cab from Pelangi Damansara to IKANO and was molested by the cab driver. AND she did a demo on me. I almost gave her a good slap. But I did not. Hahaha! She never stops. She told me the story of her mom and dad and brothers and why she didnt go to college and about beauty products and bla bla bla. I didn't wanna be rude so i just listened. God knows what's in my head at that moment. All I was thinking about was just my bed, my bed and my bed...

So tonite, we're gonna celebrate new year just us family. My parents, my brother and his wife, Chib and me. I'm gonna get myself drunk with Chib's Ribena. Hahaha!!

Happy New Year everyone!~

Letting 'Fate' Walks By

Today is the 26th of December, the day after Christmas and I'm at work with my other 2 colleagues. Why are we at work? We don't have anymore AL that's why. Hehehe...
Anyway, we're not the only 3 who are working today... Some of my friends all over the place are working today too.

One of them is Ryl, and we've been talking the whole day about... well... 'Fate', markers and sake. When we were talking, it just occur to me that... I do let 'Fate' walks away most of the time.

What are the chances of being talked to by good-looking men while indulging Green Tea Latte at Starbucks?

I'd vote for... 0/10. Okay.. Maybe 1/10. And it depends... on luck... Fairly... I mean... What are the chances? Maybe if you're dressed up. (But would you? Dressing up for no occasion? I mean. I wouldn't) I would randomly go to Starbucks and hang out there with shorts and t-shirt. Seriously, If this happens, what will be your first reaction?
My thoughts will be, depending on the question. It'd be a blessing if he asked to sit at your table rite? That's if... But if he asked whether you're done coz he needs the table for himself and his companion, he's gonna get a good "blessing" from me.

Meeting 'FATE' at Borders or Kinokuniya(or SunComics perhaps?) ... Super Romantic or Extremely Lame?

I'd go with Super Romantic. I mean, what's the best possible place to meet your Significant Other? Hahahah! There will be something to talk about right? Like "What kinda books do you like to read?" OR "Who's your favourite author?". Well my case would be "Who's your favourite Manga-ka?" OR "Did you watch the latest episode of Gundam 00 Season Two??" OR "OMG.. I love Lelouch Lamperouge" (Ok.. ok... too carried away...)
And if you finally hooked up, he knows what to give you for Valentine's Day. (BOOKS!) hahaha!!
I prefer books...

Location, Location, Location

Where do you prefer to have your first date? Seriously, PLEASE don’t tell me Starbucks. Meeting Fate at Starbucks, first date at Starbucks. You’ve got to be kidding me. Would you prefer fancy restaurants or will fast food do just fine? Here’s a tip for you guys out there. Girls prefer fine dining. Why? For me, first date is the starting point. It’s when you want to know that person. Everything on the surface. You talk on first date. Talk A Lot!

Forget about being shy. I seriously prefer slow cook food. I recommend, Tony Roma’s. The service is not ‘Too Slow’. (but the wireless connection sucks. Remember, you are here for the first date, don’t bother about wi fi). The ambience is just nice. The setting rules the romantic atmosphere and romance should kick in within 30 mins. Hahaha…

And what if 'FATE' suddenly comes knocking on your door?

Seriously.... Will it? I mean, I don't know how and I wonder will it ever happen. Recently, someone I was so in love with (yeah... I feel I'm being a bit emotional on this but I really like this guy) once upon a time ago reappeared. Eventhough he didn't say much, just a friendly "It's been sooooooooooooooooooooooooo long. How are you?" kinda thing.... It melts me. Maybe because I still like this guy. Eventhough it's like... more than 10 years ago. I wouldn't call it Fate. But if it's meant to be, I'll accept him with open arms.. (I guess.. ) hahah!~

*AL - annual leave

Reallocation of everything

It's been almost three weeks since Midou's been away and I'm "dead" from his absence. I may look calm on the outside but the actual fact is totally disastrous. I'm pissed, I'm sad, I'm nervous, I'm confused, I'm anxious, I'm totally not how I seem to appear on the outside and totally losing it. I just wish Midou to be back soon. Midou! I miss you!


First, there's the "Transportation Crisis". Seriously... This is major and I'm not gonna go through the details or else I'm gonna turn into a berserker. With the 2 weeks no-progress on Midou, I'm seriously f*cked up. Imagine telling me that I need to sign some documents 2 weeks after Midou's in the workshop. That's pretty f*cked up. At least now I know the adjuster came and some of the parts have arrived. At least... there's progress...finally. I went to visit him at the workshop in Glenmarie last Saturday. Poor boy... "Wakatteiru yo.. Boku no sei da".



That Saturday, I went with a friend of mine. Another 'friend' was supposed to accompany me but due to some unforseen circumstances, he bailed. Unfortunately, after visiting Midou and sending me home, I (yes, the ignorant, the insensitive, the stoic me) forgot to buy fuel for him and because of this (should I blame myself?) he was stranded. The friend that bailed (FTB) sms-ed me that night, saying all kinda shits and mocking me because of one little mistake I made. He said I'm too ignorant and I always treat people like that (what's like "that"? Like Shit?) Like WTF???

Recap:

1. He bailed on me
2. He Mocks me!
3. If anyone should be angry, it's not him
4. He started teaching me Moral Values.. Oh Puhlease...
5. the word "FORGOT" is not in his dictionary oh wait.. does he know English?

I don't need all that. Especially now. Some people ARE REALLY Insensitive. I'm the one who's having crisis here. If you want to help me then help. (And don't lecture me on 'Budi' and stuff, coz if you really know what it means, you won't start the whole damn thing.) If you don't want to help, then say NO. I'm seriously having a hard week. I can't complain about it. It was my fault in the first place. (The Midou Incident thing) Today, i feel the worst. I'm seriously pissed because of something I can't say. Seriously, I have limits too and I'm seriously not the type of person you can joke around. (well.. depending on my mood actually. I still like stupid jokes from Negishi and Tori-san) I guess it depends on who and what kinda joke it is...


Secondly, Adjusting with different working hours is another thing. I'm less productive when I work the 9 o'clock shift. Hahahaha.... It's true! One, because I'm a low-blood pressure demon in the morning. And the longer it takes for me to wake up, the worse it will become. I'm seriously off-pattern. Giving me 4 hours to work and saying "Will this do? " is horrifying! And let's add some more fuel to that, introducing the infamous self-restarter PC, Kuso Aho. Only available in Hell's Cubicle a.k.a Akira's Nightmare. After I gave it a good slamming a week ago, it's back to it's old stubborn self. Not to mention, it costs me my 2 weeks work. But that's not all, when Kuso Aho works... My workspace threw a fit. Seriously, what did I do to deserve all this?


Third. Third... I honestly don't know where to start. It's been around for so long even before dinosaurs walk the earth or the first murder in history. And at one point I really couldn't be bothered about it. But when they start their movements (solo or in a group) and people around me starts telling me "myths n tales " (euphemism for "shits I don't want to hear and know"), that's when I really can't stand it. Seriously, it's the "bacterias" (euphemism for "assholes") that can't keep themselves away from normal living human. Even when u don't bother about them, they tend to spread their "deadly disease" (euphemism for "faulty stories and gossips"). I don't really know whether they're really free or just "concern" (euphemism for "sticking their asses in people's life")

Seriously, I don't get it. Can't you bacterias just leave us in peace. I really don't want to have anything to do with you people. Don't you people get it?

*Wakatteiru yo.. Boku no sei da = I understand. It was my fault
Kuso Aho = Shitty Idiot

A weekend of fun... and torture (for Fuyuko)

Sitting here at Starbucks, I've invested RM49.80 over foods and drinks. Waiting for my mom and the others to finish their IKEA tour, Fuyuko and I wasted our precious time drinking Ice Latte and Chocolate Frap (and another cup of brewed coffee for me) plus some sandwiches and Eclaires while surfing the net. I had to bear with Fuyu-chan's ball of wrath mode cursing and spouting words of dissatisfaction over the loser-guy she's been liking for the past 3 months. Turned out that the guy had gotten together with his ex-girlfriend (and at the same time, the loser-a**hole asked her out while she's having her vacation). Seriously, if I ever meet him, he's gonna cry over swollen balls as a result for hurting her feelings. Thank God Fuyu-chan's Ares Mode did not last long.

Why am I here in the first place? I don't wanna walk in IKEA again (it's the 4th time this week) and I don't wanna be near some deadly diseases and I'm so not in the mood to make my "I don't give a f*ck face" because Fuyu-chan is here and I don't wanna make her feel uncomfortable. There is something that's been bothering me these few days and I do wanna get rid of it a.s.a.p. I've been wondering why do i bother about this so much. I wasn't taking it seriously... and now i seriously want to get rid of it.

Back to the story. Haru and I picked up Fuyu-chan on Friday nite at the airport. We were worried that she'd be lost, but thank God, she made it here safely. Hahaha... I'm glad to see her as kamboh* as usual. The trip back from the airport brought me back to the good ol' times and the CD mix that I made just before I went to pick Haru from Niji was fab. It almost made me cry. Hahaha.. And these 2 people are the most important people in my life. So I won't mind crying over petty things like this. We went for supper at Uptown later after that and
Fuyu-chan paid for it! (Arigatou!!)

Day 1: Fuyu's First Day of Indulgence

She ate A LOT. Seriously, she told me the first day was seriously bad... for her Diet.
Haha-ue cooked a lot too. We brought Fuyu-chan to The Curve and she was like OOhhh and Ahhhh.. all the way. We picked up Haha-ue's brother and he treated us Sakae Sushi. (Again.. it's the 3rd time this week) Took him to Ikea to get some stuff for his room back in Kuching. I recommended Ikea's currypuff to Fuyu-chan and she was like "I'm going here everyday just to eat those currypuffs and Ice-cream" and I went ". . . "

Day 2: IKEA again and I'm at Starbucks doing my "Hii Hii Huu" routine because. . .

I seriously need to "plant some flower". Now lepaking with Fukuzatsuna and Fuyu-chan and Haha-ue's bro at Starbucks. Haha-ue told me that now they are doing groceries shopping at Tesco. Still have to wait for an hour. I already did 40x Hii Hii Huu routine already. Fuyu-chan still frustrated over the idiot and I'm talking to myself because she's talking to herself. Got a call from Haru and she said she's at Pasar Seni. We planned to meet but I don't think we're able to. I seriously have to do some "gardening" now....

Off to the garden..

*kamboh = an act of carelessness and clumsiness plus being overexcited over nothing

Allelujah Haptism Failed Me!

I used to like Lockon Stratos because his Mobile Suit, Dynames was green (and he was kinda cute too), and his Seiyuu*, Shinichiro Miki *hah~~*. But personality wise, I love Allelujah Haptism/Hallelujah Haptism. And I love Kyrios too (his Gundam). I even have them both in my loft.

Akira's Allelujah Haptism and Kyrios

I've always like characters that has alter ego or split personality or call it whatever you want. (ehem... Onime no Kyo and Mibu Kyoshiro) AND I've always loved the bad guys.

I'm currently following the Second Season of Gundam 00 and to make things short (I have a serious headache today) I'm very very very disappointed with my fav Gundam Meister*. I miss the psycho, Hallelujah. I wish he's alive.

Episode 7: Allelujah Haptism x Marie Parfacy (Soma Peries) Photo taken from Heroic

My theory: A woman can make a man senseless.
The picture portrays everything. Enough said....

*seiyuu = voice actor
*Gundam Meister = the person who pilots the Gundam

Kinou no o-tenki wa hen deshita

I wouldn't say it's the 6th sense. Maybe it's just me.

The morning started as weird as the topic. I couldn't get out of bed. It felt like something was holding me down and i felt something grasping my legs. I fought the feeling and got up. I on the lights and the first thing i checked was whether there was any bruises on my legs. To my relief there was non. Somehow i have a feeling that it was not gonna be a good day. I looked in the mirror to trace any unusual signs. Non. Except the sign of aging.

I ignored the stupid facts about "me getting old everyday" that was playing on my mind and walked to the bathroom. What's bothering me was not only that, I still have the slightest feeling that it was not going to be a good day. And i felt like i shouldn't go to work yesterday.

I spent most of my morning doing charity* at work. Another bizarre thing that happened the day before was "the diesel water incident".... which i think was the cause of the frequent visit to the garden*. Due to this unfortunate event, I became rather... dark. (Not the usual "Kyo Mode"*) Everyone can see black clouds* above my head and I was not able to sit still in my cubicle. Only God knows how much I wanted to leave work.

Eventhough I was in the dark mode, I still talk to my colleague, Negishi* and laugh about a certain retard who we call.... Retard*. Owh.... speaking of which, this Retard is really some piece of work.

(Off topic: Henshin* to Kyo Mode)

WARNING: POTTY LANGUAGE.
This retard. I don't know whether he is human or alien or some species that are not yet discovered by the scientist. Unfortunately for us, we happened to know this.. weird a**hole.. (hito, ka mo na?*)I only met him once. I thought he is normal just like everybody else. But you know, sometimes first impression could be off. For this case it's really OFF. I can't even give him a nickname other than Retard coz it suits him best. But most of the time I call him somebody's bestfriend... definitely not mine.

It all started when Tori-san* (my kouhai*) was in a bad mood one day... (believe me... The percentage of Tori-san to be in a really bad mood is almost 90% impossible) I was wondering what happened to Tori-san coz usually he won't tell the whole world about him being angry. Finally he told me that "this person" was making him nuts. After a while, not only him, everyone else started telling me their part of the story related to Mr. Retard.
*currently listening to L'Arc~en~Ciel - Cureless (a good song for Mr. Retard. His stupidity is cureless

The junk-mail attack started. Mr. Retard started to act all superior. Like who made him GOD? He reports every little thing to everyone (related or not-related to the issue)... when i say little .. means little. One fine day, Tori-san got a good scolding from his superior. The reason: Mr. Retard stupid report. Who the f*** does he think he is? He's f***ing screwing people's life and acting all innocent. And this retard also loves to get credit from people's work. Poor Tori-san. All his hardwork has been thrown in the basket while this a**hole gets all the praise.

Negishi talked to him one day about this one issue related to work. But instead, he lectured him about religion and God and comparing knowledge to the sea... OMFG! Seriously, this guy needs a broom shoved in his ass. Negishi and I was laughing the whole day about this turn of event and Negishi also told his bestfriend about Mr. Retard. And his reply was.... damn hilarious. (The reply was being filtered and are confidential) I warned him about Mr. Retard being a... retard... hahaha.. Seriously.. his stupidity is cureless. And he loves to use weird sentences in his reporting. OI. You're not writing a fu**ing essay. Just say it loud and clear. No need to beat around the bush.

I just hope he'll come to his senses one day, but according to Tori-san, a retard is a retard and you can't help them.

(Back to original entry)

And chatting all the way with Haru-chan about Fuyuko's trip. Can't wait for Friday. I guess that's the only thing that's kinda mood-lifting.

Before I left work yesterday, my boss asked me whether I was free to be outsourced. The answer was written all over my face. Hahaha. I was talking to Negishi about it. And I told him if the question was ever raised again I'm gonna say "Pick Negishi..." I left work silently. Hahaha...

On the way back to Hana* it was raining heavily. There was this truck following me and honking all the way, flashing the high light. I freaked out and hit on the accelerator. The truck was still following and the driver drove side by side to Midou*. At first I thought something was wrong with Midou but when the driver rolled down the screen I was shocked to see him smiling and talking to me as if he knows me. It was a Hentai Jiji*. I was so freaked out that I started dialing Haru-chan's number (I know i should be calling the police or something). I told her about the freaky encounter and she told me to try to get away from him and make sure he did not follow. When i reached home I was still shaking from it. Maji kowaii yo*... But I finally managed to get a grip after watching an episode of Full Metal Alchemist*.

Seriously... Yesterday was just scary and was just bad... really bad.

*doing charity = stocking the toilet bowl

* garden = toilet

*Kyo Mode = Mood that is filled with extreme evil, angst/wrath

*black clouds = dark and cloudy aura

*Negishi, Tori-san = people I know and are close with

*Retard = species not classified....

*henshin = transform

*hito, ka mo na? = probably human

*kouhai = junior

*Hana = my house

*Midou = my car

*Hentai Jiji = Perverted old man

*Maji kowaii yo = Damn scary

*Full Metal Alchemist = One of my fav anime that i'm currently re-running

*Kinou no o-tenki wa hen deshita = Yesterday's weather was weird