What is the one thing that can send somebody(particularly someone like me) to the gate of the living and the dead? The answer is when your mother and father asked you about when do you wanna settle down and produce some grandchildren for them to play with OR your parents suggested that you're a sod and that you should either go out, have fun, get drunk, bring back a guy (or two) OR they finally decided that you should go on a Omiai...
What kind of reaction should you give to that?
You're not even half way there and everyone (even your brother's mother-in-law) thinks that you should settle down. Is it really important?
Your mother thinks that if you don't get married soon, you're gonna be too old to have kids. Or even worst, you're the only one among your friends who has yet to settle down. Is that even a valid reason?
Most of my friends are married, and to be honest, I have been thinking about "Am I the only one who has yet to find the love of my life (because I'm awfully picky) and to ride the clouds of blissful relationship (and later parenthood)?"
Are you the kind that "does it because everybody else is doing it"?
People are wrong if they think I'm very shallow minded about all this that I don't care whether one day I will have a couple (or four) kids around the house playing with their grandparents and cousins. I do think about it. Sometimes at night. (Omg, please.. I did not ust say that). But it's just that, NOW is not the right time yet. TO me, it is not. There are too many goals in life that I want to achieve.
But, When exactly is the right time?
It will come, eventually.
How would you know then?
I don't. It will depend on my instinct. :D
And if your instinct is wrong?
Why am I answering my own question?
Whatever it is, things like omiai or blind date or speed date can never work. I'll leave my fate in the hands of destiny.
I hope my brother's mother-in-law will stop questioning me about when I'm getting married or stuff. When you get the invitation card, that's when I'm getting married. :D
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Bon Odori 2009!
Saturday, July 18th 2009, was the 33rd Bon Odori Festival held in Matsushita Sports Complex, Shah Alam. This year, I went with my family (Haha-ue, Ani-ue, Ane-ue, Chibisuke and Kosuke) and also a good friend of mine from UTP, Eja. I was actually kinda worried that they won't enjoy the festival because this whole time I was assuming that these kind of things are the least of their interest. Turned out that everyone was having an absolute blast (event the kids) and Chibisuke was among those people who joined in the circle of people on the field. It was extremely crowded and there were more people than last year's. I didn't get to meet loads of people who I promised (or did I promise?) to meet before going to Bon Odori. The phone network sucks and we can't call each other and smses arrived an hour later or so...
Friday, July 17, 2009
Part 1: Life is about taking risk and chances - go jump in the fire and die...
... and then relive like the phoenix....
O-hisashi buri desu!
I haven't got the time to write, been busy with life (not really...). Well, those few weeks that I was gone were filled with joy and laughters! I've been enjoying life, though it's crappy and most of the time it sucks, I did cherish it. More like struggling towards happiness. But it's all good. Anyway, Here are some of the things I did during my "sudden-holiday-because-my-youth-is-crumbling" weeks..
Wander aimlessly on a Friday afternoon
Saturday's breakfast @ Starbucks
Walking the early Sunday
Going Places unintentionally
O-hisashi buri desu!
I haven't got the time to write, been busy with life (not really...). Well, those few weeks that I was gone were filled with joy and laughters! I've been enjoying life, though it's crappy and most of the time it sucks, I did cherish it. More like struggling towards happiness. But it's all good. Anyway, Here are some of the things I did during my "sudden-holiday-because-my-youth-is-crumbling" weeks..
Wander aimlessly on a Friday afternoon
Saturday's breakfast @ Starbucks
Walking the early Sunday
Going Places unintentionally
Indulge good good food everyday
Will update more when i have the time..
adieu~
akira.
adieu~
akira.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Random entry
Been so sick lately. (No No No... Nothing associated with the dreadful AH1N1). Currently residing at the corner of this deserted Starbucks, watching people moving in slow motion, it's amusing. A bit stressed with the condition of the house and work and people and have been running away a lot. Hopefully all these sickness will be gone soon and I can go to work as usual and not let ppl be in fright of deadly diseases. hahaha...
I seriously need rest. Away from people.
I seriously need rest. Away from people.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Dearest Love - To the ones I used to love
Dearest Love
I can never say it out loud. I’m such a loser. So Toshi (a good friend of mine) told me that I should express it through here. Here’s to all my dears.
Dearest Love # 1,
I know you loved me and love me still. I thank you for what you’ve given me. You tried so hard to give me everything, but it’s just not right. It can never be right. I do love you, but not as far as it ever went. I didn’t mean to brick the distance between us but you, you build an obvious fence to keep me away.
I wish we could understand each other a little better.
Dearest Love# 2,
I wouldn’t mind laying next to you everyday and listening to everything you say all night long. But it’s not the same anymore since now all that you talk about is your significant other. I will forgive you for your selfishness but I will not forgive you for your abuse. It’s just plain mean.
This will be the end.
Dearest Love #3,
You may be the one I love most, but I can’t be bias. Now that I feel there’s no connection between us, we should just bid farewell to our wonderful relationship. You hurt me too much I can’t take it. You hurt me with your silly face and beautiful smiles and your wonderful stories and your bright eyes. You hurt me worst when I realized all your words are lies Everything about you were just some big fat lies. Here’s to the end of us, cheers.
Dearest Love #4,
I thought I can never live without you. You were a part of me. Now you never exist. And just so you know, I was really looking forward to that day. But I knew before you told me the verdict. You left me cold in the water, again.
Until today.
Dearest Love # 5,
It seems that after all these years, I managed to finally forgive you. But it’s not you that I want. You’re just another challenge in this race. You might be one of the many obstacles, and you might be the ONLY key. Bless me.
THAT WAS CHEEEESY. ( hid under the table)
:D
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Blardy Hawt. Fark.
I created another commotion in my life last few weeks and I realized the big little idiot inside of me was the one who had orchestrated the dramatic performance that day. The little piece was generously performed by my little fingers which danced gracefully pathetically but hard on the keyboard, typing the words from hell one by one as my eyes intensely stared on the screen of my dusty laptop reading those words fluently from my brain and was oblivion to the current state I was in. Was I being furious? Was I expecting something? I never knew. It was too ugly beautiful to be seen by laymen's eyes.
Still wondering now, what might be the driver to have gotten my legs into this sticky mud. I don't think I am desperately in need of contemplating my life, because as far as I am concerned, it hasn't gone anywhere far. I'm still standing in the same spot, each and everyday doing the same thing, seeing the same thing expecting the same thing. It bores me. Everyday in the middle of nowhere, the wind whispers. I keep standing still. Wondering whether I should listen to them. In the morning, I will be standing up straight, power up to start a new day. I would probably be half asleep, yet every morning I'd be ready to face the sun. But I can't move. I'd be there standing until the sun goes back to sleep.
I had a stupid an interesting conversation with someone who shall not be named. We were talking about the past. Something normal people would do. Talk and laugh about it. Somehow, it went overboard and the conversation became a little more serious. I was hoping that my laptop would ran out of battery, but it was on plug. I desperately want to run away from the conversation, because I can no longer say anything. I uttered a curse under my breath. Though the other person can't hear me, I settled it with a whisper. Why oh why did I ever mention it?
In another unrelated matter, I've just lost it to myself. My stoic shell cracked today and it's just ugly. I've been trying so hard to suppress it. I mean, it did crack before but today it almost breaks. There are a few things which i consider as nuisance in life.
1) when people u trust turn their back on u
2) when things that you thrown away are recollected
3) when things that you like are taken away from you
Things say like, my favourite hang out place, my favourite things to do, my favourite pose and my favourite people. Yes. I've finally took the left turn today and when things are already ugly, i tend to make it worse in this situation. *sigh*
Save me oh saints of stoicness before it's too late
Still wondering now, what might be the driver to have gotten my legs into this sticky mud. I don't think I am desperately in need of contemplating my life, because as far as I am concerned, it hasn't gone anywhere far. I'm still standing in the same spot, each and everyday doing the same thing, seeing the same thing expecting the same thing. It bores me. Everyday in the middle of nowhere, the wind whispers. I keep standing still. Wondering whether I should listen to them. In the morning, I will be standing up straight, power up to start a new day. I would probably be half asleep, yet every morning I'd be ready to face the sun. But I can't move. I'd be there standing until the sun goes back to sleep.
I had a stupid an interesting conversation with someone who shall not be named. We were talking about the past. Something normal people would do. Talk and laugh about it. Somehow, it went overboard and the conversation became a little more serious. I was hoping that my laptop would ran out of battery, but it was on plug. I desperately want to run away from the conversation, because I can no longer say anything. I uttered a curse under my breath. Though the other person can't hear me, I settled it with a whisper. Why oh why did I ever mention it?
In another unrelated matter, I've just lost it to myself. My stoic shell cracked today and it's just ugly. I've been trying so hard to suppress it. I mean, it did crack before but today it almost breaks. There are a few things which i consider as nuisance in life.
1) when people u trust turn their back on u
2) when things that you thrown away are recollected
3) when things that you like are taken away from you
Things say like, my favourite hang out place, my favourite things to do, my favourite pose and my favourite people. Yes. I've finally took the left turn today and when things are already ugly, i tend to make it worse in this situation. *sigh*
Save me oh saints of stoicness before it's too late
Friday, June 5, 2009
Rabbit's hole
Hey, it's June already. (June means birthdays, no public holiday and boredom). My sis in law just gave birth to a healthy baby girl yesterday(4th June 2009). OMEDETOU~ I just can't wait to go home and squish the little cheeks. Today's Dad's birthday, again OMEDETOU!. He was wishing that the baby will be born today. Too bad. She can't wait to see this corrupted world. Ah ah.. Anyway, today's topic's a bit boring and a bit longer than usual. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's just some useless rambling. I was too bored and pissed and I thought I have some things to share. As usual, again, something to ponder about and before I start I would like to announce: THE ENTRY BELOW HAS NO RELATION WITH ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE. THANK YOU.
How to get away from memories of people that meant the world to us? You'd probably think "What kinda shit is Akira gonna write about this time?" Yes. This kind of shit.
"HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME" ARC
When you think that someone is everything to you, you'd do anything for that person and yet to him, you're just some piece of dirt stuck in between his shoe sole, something he's trying to get rid off since the first day he knew you. You know this already, you've been asking people around you, telling them stories, pissing yourself with all the negative things and yet you still cling to him like you'll die when he leaves you (Correction: he can't leave you unless you are together right?). I think, unless you were in a relationship with the dude, for a year or two, then you'll get the license to howl as long as you want, as loud as you want and you can even turn yourself into a banshee, if you want to. But as long as the guy does not 'belong' to you, is not in a relationship with you, eventhough he treats you like a mistress, YOU ARE ONLY FRIENDS. Please. Keep. That. In. Mind. MEER FRIENDS.
"I SHOULD HAVE CONFESSED TO HIM" ARC
Ok, so you think you like him (Correction: You know you like him. You confessed to everone you're crazy over him. You confessed to everyone except Him). Both of you are like stuck together, anywhere, everywhere. Everyone thinks you're together. (which also makes you think that you're somewhat special to this ungrateful son of a b*tch) *clear throats* Excuse me. Reality check: To him. You're just a good friend. Being such a desperado, you decided to say unnecessary things to him to see how he reacts to it (with an excuse of just trying to calm yourself down and make you feel better) "We should be bestfriends forever" is the sort of thing you tell him. (Which is so so so wrong. You can tell AFTER you get together maybe, but not before letting him know how you feel or the other way around.) You were expecting him to say "Why? I like you, we're like more than that.... " those sort of shit. Instead, he says "OK". You become depressed. Your soul crumbles like you're facing Death. (yeah, i know a bit dramatic.But well, local expression frust menonggeng) You should have confessed to him. (It may sound easy, but it's not. I know. ) Or instead of feeling like some loser shithead, you should at least explain to him the real situation, just to clear the water. Now, you can never be friends with the dude, hang out with him like usual, can't stick around with your other friends because he will be there because he hates you gutless. Just to be clear, it's not healthy to express your ridicule feelings on text. Some people will think you're a lunatic. And seriously, people will be sick and tired of you. It's a fact, face it.
"I NEED A SHOULDER (OR TWO) TO CRY ON" ARC
Ok. Over to the "friends will be there to support me" part. So he hates you. You don't know where to turn to. Only your friends and trusted ones. One day, you told this friend everything. She on the other hand did not make it easier for you (well, she did try her hardest to brick up the facts of the situation, and yet, you don't want to listen). Ok.. you did. You listened to her. You cried to her. She calls you and asks how you were and how things are going because she cared. What makes her sad was the fact that you told others that she's trying to mess up with your head, scolded you for being stupid (well you deserve it) and what you were expecting from her was words of comfort. Well, let's face it. This friend does not want to tell you the guy is a jerk. She wants you to know it yourself. You don't need to be told what is already known. You just need a smack in the head. Wake up and smell the concrete. Face the reality. You know she was right all along. But you just can't digest it. You don't want to. You are in denial. And you blame her. You can list down the many people you asked for advice for. But the one you truly want to hear it from is, this one friend. But did you listen? No. You only made her so hateful.
"HE'S JUST A MEMORY... NOT" ARC
To him, you're probably just a piece of toilet paper to wipe his ass with and you should clear your head once in a while to get the real picture. How many times does anyone need to remind you of this? When a guy told you that he 'can't stand the sight of you', that means you should leave him alone. Stop writing weird messages to him and don't start putting up ridiculous status on Friendster or Facebook. Try to put yourself in his shoes. I bet you feel irritated too. It's fucking annoying. Even those people who are not involve in that circle thinks it's irritating. What more with the 'Every-10seconds-status-update'. Try to divert your mind to something else. The more you try to pull him towards you, the more he'll run away. Take the theory of how a piece of rubberband works. The more you pull it the more it will pull away. (courtesy of dear friend, Nana - 2002). When you decided to forget about him, that means you won't keep on reminding yourself of that bastard. Take this for example: I've forgotten about you. Do you think you have been forgetting someone if you keep on having the thoughts of that person every second of the day? That is pure torture.
WORDS OF ADVICE OR WHATEVER
I'm gonna be frank. I don't care if it hurts anyone. Like hell I care. I'm just gonna spit the truth.
Stop being pathetic. The world doesn't revolve around you. Stop thinking that you're the most unfortunate piece of shit that's living in this world. Because you're not. Don't be so depressed because of an asshole. There are many other good guys out there that will treat you better than that bastard (as said above). Of course, anyone would be frustrated after being treated like that. But don't be depressed for too long, you're just wasting life. Enjoy life as much as you can. Take a vacation. Drive to the beach. Aromatherapy. Go to spa. Retail therapy. Don't wait for anyone to have fun. And the most important part, LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY AND THINK OF WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. Don't go on listening and then talk shit about others. Well, some people can't do what I can. So it might not give the same result. Follow your own pace, but don't take too long and waste your time. There just might be someone for you around the corner. You'll never know.
How to get away from memories of people that meant the world to us? You'd probably think "What kinda shit is Akira gonna write about this time?" Yes. This kind of shit.
"HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME" ARC
When you think that someone is everything to you, you'd do anything for that person and yet to him, you're just some piece of dirt stuck in between his shoe sole, something he's trying to get rid off since the first day he knew you. You know this already, you've been asking people around you, telling them stories, pissing yourself with all the negative things and yet you still cling to him like you'll die when he leaves you (Correction: he can't leave you unless you are together right?). I think, unless you were in a relationship with the dude, for a year or two, then you'll get the license to howl as long as you want, as loud as you want and you can even turn yourself into a banshee, if you want to. But as long as the guy does not 'belong' to you, is not in a relationship with you, eventhough he treats you like a mistress, YOU ARE ONLY FRIENDS. Please. Keep. That. In. Mind. MEER FRIENDS.
"I SHOULD HAVE CONFESSED TO HIM" ARC
Ok, so you think you like him (Correction: You know you like him. You confessed to everone you're crazy over him. You confessed to everyone except Him). Both of you are like stuck together, anywhere, everywhere. Everyone thinks you're together. (which also makes you think that you're somewhat special to this ungrateful son of a b*tch) *clear throats* Excuse me. Reality check: To him. You're just a good friend. Being such a desperado, you decided to say unnecessary things to him to see how he reacts to it (with an excuse of just trying to calm yourself down and make you feel better) "We should be bestfriends forever" is the sort of thing you tell him. (Which is so so so wrong. You can tell AFTER you get together maybe, but not before letting him know how you feel or the other way around.) You were expecting him to say "Why? I like you, we're like more than that.... " those sort of shit. Instead, he says "OK". You become depressed. Your soul crumbles like you're facing Death. (yeah, i know a bit dramatic.But well, local expression frust menonggeng) You should have confessed to him. (It may sound easy, but it's not. I know. ) Or instead of feeling like some loser shithead, you should at least explain to him the real situation, just to clear the water. Now, you can never be friends with the dude, hang out with him like usual, can't stick around with your other friends because he will be there because he hates you gutless. Just to be clear, it's not healthy to express your ridicule feelings on text. Some people will think you're a lunatic. And seriously, people will be sick and tired of you. It's a fact, face it.
"I NEED A SHOULDER (OR TWO) TO CRY ON" ARC
Ok. Over to the "friends will be there to support me" part. So he hates you. You don't know where to turn to. Only your friends and trusted ones. One day, you told this friend everything. She on the other hand did not make it easier for you (well, she did try her hardest to brick up the facts of the situation, and yet, you don't want to listen). Ok.. you did. You listened to her. You cried to her. She calls you and asks how you were and how things are going because she cared. What makes her sad was the fact that you told others that she's trying to mess up with your head, scolded you for being stupid (well you deserve it) and what you were expecting from her was words of comfort. Well, let's face it. This friend does not want to tell you the guy is a jerk. She wants you to know it yourself. You don't need to be told what is already known. You just need a smack in the head. Wake up and smell the concrete. Face the reality. You know she was right all along. But you just can't digest it. You don't want to. You are in denial. And you blame her. You can list down the many people you asked for advice for. But the one you truly want to hear it from is, this one friend. But did you listen? No. You only made her so hateful.
"HE'S JUST A MEMORY... NOT" ARC
To him, you're probably just a piece of toilet paper to wipe his ass with and you should clear your head once in a while to get the real picture. How many times does anyone need to remind you of this? When a guy told you that he 'can't stand the sight of you', that means you should leave him alone. Stop writing weird messages to him and don't start putting up ridiculous status on Friendster or Facebook. Try to put yourself in his shoes. I bet you feel irritated too. It's fucking annoying. Even those people who are not involve in that circle thinks it's irritating. What more with the 'Every-10seconds-status-update'. Try to divert your mind to something else. The more you try to pull him towards you, the more he'll run away. Take the theory of how a piece of rubberband works. The more you pull it the more it will pull away. (courtesy of dear friend, Nana - 2002). When you decided to forget about him, that means you won't keep on reminding yourself of that bastard. Take this for example: I've forgotten about you. Do you think you have been forgetting someone if you keep on having the thoughts of that person every second of the day? That is pure torture.
WORDS OF ADVICE OR WHATEVER
I'm gonna be frank. I don't care if it hurts anyone. Like hell I care. I'm just gonna spit the truth.
Stop being pathetic. The world doesn't revolve around you. Stop thinking that you're the most unfortunate piece of shit that's living in this world. Because you're not. Don't be so depressed because of an asshole. There are many other good guys out there that will treat you better than that bastard (as said above). Of course, anyone would be frustrated after being treated like that. But don't be depressed for too long, you're just wasting life. Enjoy life as much as you can. Take a vacation. Drive to the beach. Aromatherapy. Go to spa. Retail therapy. Don't wait for anyone to have fun. And the most important part, LISTEN TO WHAT PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY AND THINK OF WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. Don't go on listening and then talk shit about others. Well, some people can't do what I can. So it might not give the same result. Follow your own pace, but don't take too long and waste your time. There just might be someone for you around the corner. You'll never know.
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